I was in disbelief that what I feared was actualized in my reality. “You have invasive ductal carcinoma” or breast cancer. I quickly learned that this cancer had lived quietly in my body for 6 to 7 years. As a sat motionless in my car on the side of a township road, I knew that I needed strength to endure the storm. From the outside, looking in, I was a very busy 38 year-old full-time working momma. I had three young boys, ages 3, 6, 7. Summer was in the horizon and I had so many plans waiting for us.
After the initial news, there is a brief moment of silence, following up with “your potential plan is…” I wailed and slammed my hands on the steering wheel, pleading with anxious agony, “God, please give me strength for this journey.” Everything seemed so foreign and terrifying but nonetheless, I wanted my life more. Then I felt him, like a gentle breeze in the cool crisp air. I had the strength to drive, I had the strength to tell my family, and I knew in my heart, He was with me and I would be okay.
Peace frequently would turn to angst and, at the drop of a dime, my mind would be swirling with anxiety and grief. Reminiscent of a boat on a stormy sea. During my many walks, I would plead to God, “If I go through this, I want you with me, I want the opportunity to prove that you are real, and that you exist, and that you can strengthen me.”
Four days following my diagnosis my dear friend came to see me. Her presence was so comforting and her genuine love for me was palpable. She exuded a peace that comes from only one source. You see the year prior, she faced the unimaginable, she lost her sweet, four-year-old son to cancer. For her to have peace and strength following that, I considered it a miracle. She shared that she had felt the urge to give me something. As she took off her necklace and placed it on me she read the pendant, “Strength for the Journey”. She continued that,“I truly believe that God wants you to have this.” I knew right then and there that God had heard my prayer and that God was going to be with me through this journey.
Since that remarkable moment, I haven’t taken off my necklace. As I am recovering from a double mastectomy, I know God is with me. I know that He is giving me strength for my journey, just as He gave strength to the women before me.
Jess